I don’t get it—why am I struggling?

So often people come into my office for a first visit describing symptoms without really recognizing or understanding them. 

They’ll say, “I just feel off,” or “Something just doesn’t feel right.” Understandably, they are typically frustrated and tired from struggling with an unknown issue or issues, something assailing them that they can’t fathom. 

Does this sound like you? 

Many of these clients have been to talk therapy before and have experienced mixed results. They might feel better initially, having found some of the answers and learned some new skills. But over time, familiar undercurrents of “off-ness” tend to resurface.

Our brains need to understand our terrain 

We humans want to understand why things are the way they are and why we feel the way we do. Security is key! Our brains seek out information about where the dangers lie so that we can learn to avoid them in the future. 

But what happens when we don’t know why we feel the way we do? When we can’t point our fingers at the danger lurking in our environment, we’re at risk of believing we have to stay stuck until we do.

When we factor in things like racism, lack of community resources, abuse, intergenerational trauma, or even pre-verbal trauma, it makes sense that many of us can’t seem to find the source of our pain or sense of imbalance.

We blame others—and ourselves—for our sense of off-ness as we desperately try to seek causes and answers. Instead of recognizing and acknowledging our experience as real and valid, we get stuck feeling wrapped in anxiety. We incessantly beat ourselves up, lean on substances, or feel trapped and empty inside. This type of personal invalidation only adds to our pain and suffering. 

What can I do to get answers, to get help?

The answers will come over time, but don’t wait to treat yourself with the love and kindness you deserve now. 

Here are some tips to help you reflect on your feelings and focus on what truly matters.

• Journal ten to twenty minutes daily. Writing simply takes us deeper.

• Meditate in order to relax. Practice stillness, calm, and just being. 

• Practice self-compassion. Name whatever you are feeling, and validate your feelings. No one gets to tell you how to feel, not even you!

• Keep a dream journal by your bed. Write down your dreams as soon as you wake up.

• Find a Brainspotting therapist.  We can help you access your subconscious and help heal your brain and body.

At Clear View Counseling, we provide online and in-person therapy for children, teens, and adults. Step into the room—it’s a quiet, safe space where we’ll help you move past the overwhelm or depression and discover your true essence.