Hold Your Cards

….But don’t walk on egg shells. There is a subtle difference between the two I suppose but I think there are some distinct differences worth highlighting. And I think that the first behavior leads to the other. A basic rule of thumb is that if you are tip toeing around someone because you are scared of being a target, triggering their big emotion or unsafe behavior then you are definitely off course in your relationship.

Walking on eggshells is indicative of a toxic relationship and is pervasive in relationships where there is abuse, addiction, and/or mental illness. If you are tip toeing you are more than likely feeling as if you are trapped or being held hostage in your relationship. Seek additional support as you figure out how to navigate your interactions in a way that allows space for your feelings and experience…that allows you an opportunity to breathe.

Holding cards is a different experience. When we are holding our cards we may be carefully calculating the risks involved with asking out what we need. Although this is not a strategy I want you to employ long term it can be helpful as you figure out your next move, as you fortify your boundaries, and can be a strategy that puts you in the driver’s seat. You will ALWAYS have the upper hand if someone underestimates you.

No one will ever be able to read our thoughts or make us say anything. This boundary allows us to think about what hand we want to play and about what cards we want to hold. This gives us an opportunity to pause, figure out how to navigate our relationship, and potentially create our exit strategy.

Speak Your Mind


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