Grief is messy. No doubt. It is not what we see on tv or in movies where people grieve and then tend to get over things quickly and with little effort…just a few tears perhaps. Although there are certainly exceptions to this script it is important to remember that in real life we are all different.
We have different experiences, different systems, and grieve differently. There is really not a “right” way to grieve and no-one can tell you how to feel…not even you. Your feelings are valid no matter what you are going through. It’s what we do with them that matters.
If we try to look perfect and tamp our feelings they will inevitably overwhelm us. You can’t dam the river and not expect it to overflow. Alternatively, find opportunities to grieve when you can. Scream, cry, yell, run, hide, talk, move, embrace, shake, sing, dance, create. Do what you need to do in order to move through it. But take breaks along the way. There will be times where you feel messy, raw, and tender to the touch. It’s ok. You are wounded.
The more quickly we can embrace the mess the sooner we will be able to move through it. There is no other way. And before you judge yourself to harshly regardless of where you might be in your process…just know that you are feeling what people feel who have gone through loss. There is nothing wrong with you. Move through it and stop trying to do it perfectly.
