Roberta, 44, had been in therapy for issues related to childhood abuse and neglect that had followed her throughout adulthood. She had been in and out of therapy, struggled with feelings of hopelessness, and had felt insignificant for the majority of her life. When she came to me for Brainspotting, she was exhausted from the ongoing symptoms related to her childhood traumas.
Initially, Roberta would discuss feelings of anger and rage at her perpetrators. Her parents had been abusive throughout her childhood and Roberta struggled with trying to understand what could drive a parent to hurt their own child. It just didn’t make sense and she struggled to heal as a result of the not knowing. One thing was for certain, however, she was tired of blaming herself for their behavior.
Her rage, understandably, was overwhelming and would routinely spill over into the important relationships in her life. She was waiting for her parents to acknowledge what they had done to her as a child. She felt justified in her anger due to their refusal to show up in the way she desperately wanted them to.
As she processed her traumas Roberta began to realize that her parents were still perpetrating even though she had not talked to either of them for years. Due to the constant wait for apologies that never came, she had not been able to move on, to grow as a human being, or to heal. Her parents were still taking up all the space in her life due to Roberta not being able to let go of her faulty expectations or victimization. By remembering that she was an adult, that she could acknowledge herself as valid (versus waiting for others to acknowledge her), she finally broke free of the traumas that had felt like concrete boots around her ankles. She finally broke free from her parent’s abuse and stopped abusing herself as a result.
She began to acknowledge herself (and her feelings) in a variety of ways…not just by going to therapy.
…she signed up for a local art class because she had loved art as a child
…she allowed time in her schedule to rest
…she tended to the important relationships in her life
…she took time to acknowledge her emotions (versus pushing them away)
…she stayed intentional about her ability to meet her own needs versus waiting for others to meet them for her
…she developed compassion for herself by learning about trauma and trauma impact
Roberta was even able to find compassion for her parents. She discussed feeling like they had done the best they could and were abusive to her because they had also been raised by abusive parents. Although she protected her heart, she decided to reach out to them and see if they could finally start to heal the wounds in their relationship.
Compassion is bigger than all of it and is one of the biggest healers there is. It starts with finding it for ourselves. Acknowledge your feelings as valid. Chase after what brings you joy. Take time to rest. Remember you are enough.
This is how you break through concrete.
