As a caregiver I have always tried to stay vigilant about my self-care. I am very aware that without gas in my tank I am unable to be there for others. As a result, I strive to be the best version of myself so that I can show up with energy, compassion, and understanding. I am not perfect at it...[ read more ]


I usually discuss how there is a difference between being victimized and being a victim. But I realize that there are a lot of people who struggle to get out of the victim pit and sustain it. I think we have to be careful with passing judgement on these folks because we don't know what it is like to be...[ read more ]

The Gifts of Grief

When we are going through the hard parts everything feels surreal. It can feel as if we are out of time and space while others around us just keep going about their lives as if nothing happened. We can feel angry or even envious as the world continues to move while we are in the midst of picking up the...[ read more ]

Should Never Helped Anyone

There are a few things I have picked up over the years that can do wonders for a negative mindset. As a therapist who uses a lot of cognitive behavioral techniques I am always on the look out for how to change our negative thoughts. Our feelings and subsequent behaviors can all be traced back to a thought...which is why...[ read more ]

Release From The Abuse Bind

There is a lot out there on shame and shame resilience. Brene Brown has extensive work on the topic including the origins of shame and lots of information on why shame can be so debilitating to us as human beings. Knowing our biological propensity toward shame (Brown discusses how shame encourages us to reconnect with our herd as part of...[ read more ]

Embrace The Mess

Grief is messy. No doubt. It is not what we see on tv or in movies where people grieve and then tend to get over things quickly and with little effort...just a few tears perhaps. Although there are certainly exceptions to this script it is important to remember that in real life we are all different. We have different experiences,...[ read more ]

Hot Spot

Trauma is a brain injury. As a result of traumatic experience our brains develop what I call "hot spots" that are direct wounds that may take time to heal. Just like other types of wounds, if we don't directly treat the injury these spots can fester and grow. But sometimes we are not even aware these spots are in need...[ read more ]

Move. Heal. Repeat.

Running on a treadmill is soothing to me. I love to sweat out stress, the toxins, and I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment after a good run. Add to that the endorphin surge and the knowledge I am doing something good for my body and mind I feel energized. But there is also the repetitive movement of my feet on...[ read more ]

The Power Of No

Ok we are supposed to have boundaries...this is not new news. But boundaries in our schedule, our relationships, and in the wake of trauma impact are essential. I have realized in my own life as a caretaker of so many others both professionally and personally that having strong boundaries actually energizes my work and enables me to stave off burnout....[ read more ]

Hold Your Cards

....But don't walk on egg shells. There is a subtle difference between the two I suppose but I think there are some distinct differences worth highlighting. And I think that the first behavior leads to the other. A basic rule of thumb is that if you are tip toeing around someone because you are scared of being a target, triggering...[ read more ]

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